Highlights
- What turns women on the most? Three simple things that involve evolution, biology, and psychology.
- Modern research shows that women respond to visual erotic stimuli (pronounced “porn”) similarly to men.
- To know what your partner wants in bed, you need to master intimate communication — in other words, ask!
- Your lover will appreciate your taking the time to build arousal.
- If you have erectile dysfunction, modern treatments can help you make love with confidence.
What turns women on? Through the ages, men have sought the answer to this question. Of course, all women are different, so there’s no single best answer. But keeping three simple things in mind will help you strike out a lot less often.
Here, we’ll take a look at the differences between male and female sexuality, then give you the keys to the kingdom — the three things that turn women on the most.
What Turns Women On Is … Complicated
There is a common belief that women are more complicated when it comes to arousal and stimulation. The nature of women’s desire is still the subject of scientific research, and there’s still a lot to learn. Sex doesn’t exist in a void. Sexual behaviors of both genders are an outcome of many factors — evolutionary, biological, and psychosocial.
It’s All About Evolution (Nature Rules!)
According to evolutionary psychology, women seek signs of social, intellectual, and financial status when choosing their mates. Even today, in countries like the United States where females have access to education and professional opportunities, we still behave much like our ancient predecessors.
Evolution is a slow process, and we’re only at the beginning of big global changes in gender roles. Take reliable contraception for example — it only became available a few decades ago! Women’s bodies don’t yet realize that they can now have sex without much risk of pregnancy.
While it’s biologically beneficial for a man to reproduce with as many women as possible, this is not the case for women. The female mind is set up to take some time and investigate the good and bad qualities of a man before deciding to reproduce with him. This allows her to produce a child with the traits that give them the best chance of survival. Don’t expect that to change anytime soon.
… and Biology (Go With the Flow!)
What men often don’t realize about female desire is that it’s cyclical. This is especially true for women of reproductive age. If your partner or date is not on hormonal birth control, chances are high that she will be up for sex in her fertile period.
According to research, females have more interest in lovemaking around the time of ovulation. This is another trick of our biology, aimed to encourage humans to mate and produce offspring. The hormone estrogen is behind all this, boosting the sense of femininity, sensuality, and even vaginal lubrication. Many women report having the best sex in their fertile days.
While it’s not the best idea to ask a potential date which phase of her cycle she’s in, if you have a fixed partner, use this knowledge to plan intimacy at the right time of the month. Make sure to use condoms or another reliable form of contraception if you don’t want to get pregnant right now.
. . . and Psychology (Share Your Eye Candy!)
Considering the vast popularity of the porn industry, it’s clear that men are easily aroused by visual stimulation. A naked female, a sultry glance, sometimes even a wink from an attractive lady is enough to get the blood flowing. If a man is physically turned on, he is also psychologically turned on.
It’s not so different for women.
A thorough analysis of 61 magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) studies revealed that neurophysiological processes activated by visual erotic stimuli are similar for men and women. Recent rise in the popularity of porn for women seems to confirm that ladies enjoy watching hot scenes.
The difference lies in the context. Films made with heterosexual men in mind focus on sexual activity and genital close-ups. New erotica targeted at female audiences puts intercourse into context. Before performers engage in some action, there is a buildup of excitement, the anticipation of things to come.
So, next time your partner says no to watching an explicit film, offer her “porn for women” and see how she reacts. You might also check some explicit educational films and get inspired by the art of tantric massage or erotic bondage. A little bit of novelty in the bedroom never hurt anyone.
So, What Turns Women On the Most?
Self-proclaimed internet gurus promise to teach guys how to seduce any woman with simple tricks. If only it were that easy to have the key to women’s desire! Don’t be fooled by their techniques — there is no instruction manual that works for every lady.
But there are three simple things that work for most women, most of the time.
Here’s the short list of what turns women on:
Feeling Wanted
Women place very high importance on feeling desired, while men usually don’t need to feel desired to become aroused. This is what makes low female sexual desire difficult to treat. A female can be physically aroused yet mentally turned off simultaneously, or vice versa. This makes a medical or pharmaceutical treatment very complex.
So, you may be hot, but it doesn’t mean you’ll get the girl in bed with you. Even if she is physically attracted to you, you’re only halfway to an intimate encounter. Go the extra mile and show her how much you desire her. Tell her she’s beautiful, smart, and sexy and that she turns you on.
When You Learn What She Likes
There’s no universal answer to the question “what turns women on the most”. When you’re with a woman, focus on that particular woman. It doesn’t matter if she’s someone you recently met or your wife of ten years.
Try different things and see how she reacts. Observe her body language and the sounds she makes. But be careful! Not all women are loud in bed like porn stars. Watch for more subtle signs, like fast breathing or deep moaning.
Besides experimenting, become the master of intimate communication outside the bedroom. If you want to know what she likes . . . ask! Why not talk about sex over lunch? Or when taking a leisurely walk? Tell her one thing she did the last time you made love that made you super horny. Ask her about what she liked and why.
It may feel awkward at first, but with practice, these conversations will increase mutual satisfaction.
When You Take the Time To Arouse Her
If you think having a big penis is all you need to please your partner, it’s time for a reality check. According to a large study of women’s sexual preferences, 77.2 percent of ladies said that “spending time to build up arousal” helped them enhance orgasms.
Here’s what you can do to make her more aroused:
- Encourage her to be selfish. Instead of adding extra pressure by asking her “are you close?”, motivate her to focus on her own pleasure. Many guys can get from 0 to 100 in seconds. It’s not unusual for women to take half an hour or more to warm up.
- Play a little game. Before you even take off your clothes, enjoy a bit of role play or dirty talk. Some couples like to play pretend, for example, being a doctor and patient. Others enjoy power games where one partner tells the other what to do. Talk to your lover in advance. Ask if she’s OK with strong language, or if she prefers gentle words of encouragement.
- Use a toy. Don’t be afraid of sex toys in your bedroom! A vibrator will never replace you, but it can help her get aroused and ready for intercourse and other types of stimulation. There are even couples’ toys nowadays that you can use for mutual fun. Try Erocome Sagitta, a vibrator and penis ring combo that will help you maintain a strong erection and boost her excitement.
- Focus on the clitoris. Many guys already know this, but this advice is always worth repeating. Why? Because it (almost) always works! If you want to arouse your lady, focus on her clitoris first. This is the main female sexual organ, designed purely for sexual pleasure! Most women need clitoral stimulation before and during intercourse to have an orgasm or to increase pleasure. Learn how to caress that precious button of hers; ask her to show you what feels good.
Be Ready To Please Her
Knowing what turns women on is one part of being a great lover. To enhance the sexual experience for her, consider your own ability to get and keep an erection.
Sure, intimacy can be wonderful without full intercourse, but you will feel more relaxed and focused on your partner if you’re confident that you can get hard. Modern erectile dysfunction treatments work fast and are very effective. To learn more, visit our erectile dysfunction page.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.
