Couple sitting in a lotus position in a lotus position

Best Sexology Books: Urban Tantra


  • “Urban Tantra” by Barbara Carrellas is one of the best sexology books for those who are curious about the Eastern approach to intimacy.
  • Tantra is about much more than sex. It can help you deepen your relationship, too.
  • You can practice tantra regardless of gender and sexual identity. It’s also suitable for singles.
  • Tantra alone won’t solve your relationship or sexual problems, but there’s a lot to love about it.

Tantric sex has the aura of an eccentric practice for aging hippies. And what if you live in the suburbs and are not into wearing baggy pants and chanting “om” every morning? 

The ancient philosophy of tantra can still help you deepen your sexual experiences and the connection with your partner. One of the best sexology books written for Westerners curious about this spiritual path is “Urban Tantra” by Barbara Carrellas.

Why We Love It

If you’d like to understand the basics of tantra without slogging through hundreds of pages, this book explains everything in simple terms. But there’s more! You get to put the principles into practice immediately. For example, you can learn skills such as focused awareness to bring more pleasure into your bedroom. 

Reading this book can be a revelation, especially for those raised to believe that sex is dirty and sinful. Tantra teaches us that our bodies and the physical ecstasy they can experience are as important and divine as the spiritual or intellectual sides of us.

Is This Book for You?

Some tantra teachers suggest that this is a path dedicated to heterosexual couples. Barbara Carrellas is not one of those teachers. She wrote this book for everyone, regardless of gender or sexual identity. And if you’re single, you’ll learn about solo tantra practices. 

Here’s why you may enjoy reading “Urban Tantra.”

If You’re Skeptical

You love the big city and wouldn’t want to live in a New Age, polyamorous commune in Goa? Think of yourself as spiritual but in no way “woo-woo”? “Urban Tantra” was written with people like you in mind — people who want to deepen their sexual connection without getting too esoteric about it.

Yes, there is a chapter about chakras, but even if you don’t believe in such things, you can still make good use of the exercises suggested to awaken those energy centers. Or you can skip that part altogether and move straight to the section on tantric sex positions. The choice is yours. 

Couple doing yoga poses
Don’t worry, acrobatic skills are not required to practice tantra

If You’re Looking for Something More

Maybe you have a good relationship or marriage but feel something’s missing. When the initial fire of desire diminishes and all that’s left is a faint light, many couples look for ways to revive and deepen their connection. 

The tantric approach offers exercises that combine expression and emotional exchange between lovers. But be warned — going on a five-day tantra retreat for couples won’t solve serious relationship problems. You’ll still need couple’s counseling or therapy for that.

What You’ll Learn

This book is like ten different sex guides in one. From conscious breathing to BDSM practices, you’ll be surprised how diverse and rich tantra can be. 

Here’s what to expect from this book:

How To Practice Exquisite Touch

To learn the tantric approach to sex means to unlearn certain things, like focusing solely on intercourse, and learning how to touch with awareness. Carrellas calls this kind of touch “the resilient edge of resistance.” Aim for a touch that’s not too light and not too strong. The best way to learn how to do it is by talking to your lover. 

Tantric massage is also a great way to master the art of touching. What’s important about touch is that you have to be present in the moment. When you caress your lover, focus fully on them — their breathing, their reactions. Act as if nothing else existed. 

Male Multiple Orgasms Exist

Multiple orgasms are not reserved for ladies only! Carrellas believes that men can separate the heightened state of orgasm from ejaculation. If you don’t ejaculate with your first orgasm, you open a whole world of pleasure possibilities.

In “Urban Tantra,” you’ll find a collection of tips to delay ejaculation. You’ll learn how to circulate sexual energy throughout your body and experience a new dimension of bliss.

Tantric Massage for Her

Looking at sex through the tantra lens will let you discover yourself in new ways. Men’s sexuality is not as simple or trivial as Netflix comedies and internet memes would have us think.

Tantra can also make you a better lover. If your partner is a woman, giving her a tantric massage can lead to many orgasmic discoveries. Who knows, you may finally find that famous G-Spot. (She’ll love it!)

Massages are one of many tantric rituals you can try at home. They are great if you feel you’ve lost that erotic spark in your relationship. When done regularly, they can bring you closer, foster trust, and increase understanding.

Woman getting a massage
A sensual massage can awaken her erotic energy

The Power of Expanded Orgasms

What if through sex with your partner you could feel as if making love to the whole universe? “Urban Tantra” teaches us that there’s more to orgasms than a quick release of sexual tension. Everyone can enter a state of bliss, and it will feel so good!

The first step towards full-body ecstasy is breathing. Carrellas suggests we should observe our breath in moments of pleasure and happiness as well as sadness and anger. Breathing with more awareness helps awaken our senses and opens us up to the power of tantric orgasm.

Build a Foundation for Sexual Growth

Tantra teaches us that our sexual energy is always with us, even as we age and our health deteriorates. But to keep exploring the tantric practices and find new ways towards pleasure, you should take care of your sexual health.

Common bedroom problems, such as erectile dysfunction, won’t be solved by breathing techniques alone. Modern ED medication, such as Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra offer on-demand treatment so you can focus on deepening your erotic connection with your lover.

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