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Best Sexology Books: “Sexual Intelligence”

Highlights:

  • “Sexual Intelligence” is one of the best sexology books because it challenges faulty assumptions about lovemaking. 
  • The author has several decades of experience as a sex therapist and couples’ counselor. 
  • This is a great book for anyone in midlife and older and for long-term couples. 
  • Understanding the three components of sexual intelligence will help you enjoy sex at any age. 

What if you could never fail at sex? Couples’ therapist Dr. Marty Klein argues it’s possible. All you need to do is improve your sexual intelligence. His classic guide is one of the best sexology books on the market. It will challenge everything you believe about being a good lover and help you become an even better one. 

Why Is Popular Sex Advice Useless?

There’s no shortage of sex advice out there — books describing acrobatic sex positions for every day of the year, magazines teaching you the art of seduction in five easy steps —  you name it. And social media is full of self-proclaimed “sexperts” who sell quick and supposedly fail-proof recipes for mastering new bedroom moves:

And now massage your partner’s left breast exactly 17 times. Then proceed to lick it at a 45-degree angle to get her in the mood.

With all that detailed advice available, how come so many people still struggle with intimacy? According to Dr. Klein, it’s because modern advice culture promotes faulty ideas about sex. In his bestselling book, he shares what he’s learned over several decades of counseling couples and proposes a simple, refreshing look at our erotic practices. 

Man looking at his phone
Treat online sex advice with caution

Why We Love It?

Reading “Sexual Intelligence” feels like a big sigh of relief. Dr. Klein says that to avoid sexual failure, you don’t need to hit the gym five times a week or enlarge your penis with Botox, like the soccer player Ronaldo. 

If you change your understanding of sexual failures, you’ll realise you can’t fail in bed. Sometimes intimacy will be boring or disappointing, and that’s OK. You can still connect with your lover, have a nice time, and improve the things that aren’t working.  

“Sex isn’t just an activity — it’s an idea. These ideas make the activity complicated.”

Dr. Marty Klein

Is This Book for You?

If you’ve been with your partner longer than you can remember, “Sexual Intelligence” will give you hope that there are still good things waiting for you in the bedroom department. 

Dr. Klein goes beyond the superficial tips for long-term couples. He won’t tell you to “bring the spark back” by going on a spa weekend or buying a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs. 

Instead, you’ll be confronted with uncomfortable truths about desire in committed relationships. They may be hard to take in at first, but stories of couples who successfully revived their intimate connection will motivate you to dig deeper. 

This book should be obligatory reading for anyone in midlife and up. It will help you come to terms with your changing body and the inevitable health challenges that come with age. 

You’ll accept that mature sex doesn’t always look like it does in Hollywood films. Plus, you’ll understand that annoying distractions, such as an aching back or somebody’s urgent need to pee, don’t have to interfere with good sex. 

What You’ll Learn

“Sexual Intelligence” is not so much about learning as it is about unlearning and relearning what you’ve been taught about intimacy. Here’s why it’s worth reading (and lending to your partner):

What’s Normal in Sex

Have you ever given up on an erotic fantasy because you were worried your partner might think you’re a “pervert”? As a seasoned sex therapist, Dr. Klein has seen it all. When he says that there’s no such thing as “normal” in sex, you have to believe him. 

According to the author, diversity is the norm in the bedroom. As long as two (or more) people agree to do something, and that something doesn’t put anyone’s health or safety at risk, it’s OK to try. 

Blindfolded woman
Sharing sexual fantasies can enrich your bedroom experiences

Three Components of Sexual Intelligence

The recipe for sexual intelligence is simple, but it takes work to get it right. To master it, you need three components:

  • Information
  • Emotional skills
  • Body awareness

Most of us entered the world of sex without proper education. If you were lucky, you learned how not to get a girl pregnant and how to protect yourself from an HIV infection. 

But to be a skillful lover, you need to understand how bodies work and how they experience pleasure. To become a sexually intelligent adult, you should fill those knowledge gaps. Checking out our list of the best sexology books is a good place to start. 

You Can Enjoy Sex Without a Perfectly Functioning Body

Have you ever attended a high school reunion and thought, “Oh my, everyone looks so old. I’m glad I haven’t changed that much!” The truth is, you’ve probably changed more than you think; you just don’t see it. 

Whether we like it or not, our bodies transform as we grow older, and this impacts our sexual function. Dr. Klein explains that many of our problems are linked to the inability to accept that we don’t have the same stamina at 40 — or 60 — that we did in high school. 

Sexual intelligence can help you come to terms with your new physical reality. By adapting erotic practices to your current level of health and fitness, you can make the most of lovemaking at any age.  

Erectile Dysfunction Is Not the End of Sex

Any man who’s ever had an erection problem should read “Sexual Intelligence.” Dr. Klein will reassure you that the ability to get and stay hard has nothing to do with being masculine. 

ED or not, you can satisfy your partner as long as you know how to communicate, listen, and have a healthy sense of humor about bedroom mishaps. The best way to deal with erectile problems is to combine medication, such as Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis, with changing your approach to sexual performance. 

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