- The key to understanding female sexuality is to know women’s anatomy and arousal mechanisms.
- Emotional factors play an important role in her eroticism.
- Start applying our ten expert tips today and become a better lover.
- Getting treatment for your erectile dysfunction will support her on her way to orgasm.
Imagine this: You’re in bed with a woman and you’ve just had amazing sex. You brought her to orgasm three times, and she’s practically purring.
Wouldn’t it be nice to know all the tricks that keep a woman satisfied? Whether you’ve been married for ten years or enjoying the single life, this guide will help you become a better lover and make sure her sexual desire never fades.
Here are ten secrets of female sexuality and practical tips to increase her pleasure — and yours.
1. She Doesn’t Have the Quick Switch
If you’re like most men, you’re able to get in the mood for sex in 60 seconds or less. Even if you’re tired, with enough encouragement — “Hi, honey, I wanted to show you my new sexy lingerie” — you’re up and running in no time.
The psychology of female arousal is different. Most women need to feel relaxed and close to their partner to be in the mood for sex. If there’s any conflict in your relationship, it will be hard to let go and enjoy intimacy.
Solve any misunderstandings as soon as possible. And don’t expect her to jump into bed with you if you’ve just had an argument. It may take a while before she’s ready for make-up sex.
2. She Needs Warming Up
Have you ever noticed how your partner wasn’t happy when you grabbed her breasts out of the blue? Many women need a slow build-up before they are ready for intimate touch.
It could also depend on her menstrual cycle. When she’s ovulating, Mother Nature is putting her in a let’s-get-down-to-business kind of mood. But on some days she will need lots of stroking, gentle kisses, or a massage before she’s ready to go further.
Before you spontaneously touch her sexual parts, ask if she’s up for it. You may also have a general conversation about what she enjoys.
3. The Other Oral Foreplay
You probably have figured out that oral is a great way to pleasure her. But have you ever tried to excite her with words? While men tend to be more visual, most women are more turned on by their partner’s voice telling them how hot they are. The popularity of audio erotica among women indicates that ladies enjoy good pillow talk.
If you’ve never done it, start by whispering how beautiful she is and how amazing her body feels. Try the sexy talk outside of the bedroom, too. This is a fantastic way to create the mood for an evening or for a lifetime — when you do it regularly.
And guys — you know you love it when she lets you know you’re doing it right. You may be surprised to learn that that works both ways — she also wants to hear responses from you. If you’re the strong, silent type in the bedroom, try something new. She’s bound to get excited to hear sounds of pleasure from you!
4. The Clitoris Is Key to Female Sexuality
Have you ever heard the saying, “They fit together like a hand and a glove?” While this may be true about romantic compatibility, it’s not an accurate metaphor for intercourse.
Most guys think that because the penis fits inside perfectly, the vagina must be a woman’s main sexual organ. This is a mistake.
Women get most of their pleasure from stimulation of the clitoris. The female clitoris is roughly equivalent to the penis in a male, with a glans (or head) and a hood and similar sensations. And the organ itself is much bigger than you think. The little button that you see at the top of her labia is part of a larger structure of nerves that run inside her body.
Spare no effort to stimulate her clitoris — before, during, and sometimes after or even without intercourse.
Some women don’t like a direct touch on their “button.” In that case, you can move your finger, tongue, or sex toy on the sides, make small circles, or even use indirect stimulation by rubbing her outer labia.
5. The Magic G-Spot
If only there was this magic spot you could press to ensure instant ecstasy! While the famous G-spot doesn’t always work that way, learning how to rub it right might drive her over the edge. Some women even ejaculate (or “squirt”) from G-spot stimulation.
Sorry to disappoint you, but if you want to awaken her G-spot, you need to start with your fingers, not your penis. The G-spot (although G-zone is a better description) is usually located at the top wall, inside her vagina on the belly side, and it starts almost at the entrance.
The G-zone likes being rubbed with a hard object, like a finger or dildo (a penis-shaped sex toy that doesn’t vibrate). But before you begin vigorous stroking, you need to warm her up by massaging her thighs, buttocks, and external genitals. Move one or two fingers in a “come here” motion, just inside the vaginal opening. Make sure to clip your nails short before trying this technique!
6. Relaxation is Everything
If you’re a man who’s never tried tantra or slow sex practices, you most likely have one preferred way to orgasm. You start slow, gradually speeding up the movements of your hand (or penetration), and you keep that pace until orgasm. Your muscles are tense and your breathing is fast.
But this is only one way towards pleasure. Both men and women are capable of experiencing longer, less explosive, and more relaxed O’s. In fact, the so-called vaginal orgasms are exactly that. Women describe them as a feeling of bliss and deep ecstasy that comes from letting go, not hurrying up, and being in a relaxed state as opposed to clenching the vaginal muscles.
Check out some books or videos about slow sex or tantric practices. Experiment with your partner and learn to slow down breathing and movement during erotic play. Give her time and encourage her to relax and enjoy the sensation.
7. One Female Orgasm Leads to Another
Are women really capable of multiple orgasms? Yes, they are! In fact, the easiest way to get her to peak during intercourse is to stimulate her to climax before penetration.
Guys have what’s called a refractory period. You need to rest before your body is capable of another erection and ejaculation. Most women don’t need to recharge — they can go for hours and experience all kinds of pleasure, one right after another!
Make it your business to bring her to orgasm before you enter her. Stimulate her clitoris with your hand, tongue, or a toy. But ask about her preferences first. A small group of women need only one orgasm, and having more makes them tired or overly sensitive.
8. Pelvic Floor Power
Did you know that French women get a state-subsidized course of pelvic floor rehabilitation after they give birth? The goal of learning to exercise their vaginal muscles is not just to avoid pain or incontinence. It’s also to help them get back to sex and make it pleasurable again.
A strong and flexible pelvic floor will help her have comfortable intercourse. Squeezing her muscles while you’re inside her can add fun for both of you.
If your partner has pain during intercourse, encourage her to get a checkup with a pelvic floor specialist. You might also buy her a pelvic floor exerciser.
9. Add Fingers
Being a penis owner, you’re naturally focused on this body part. But to make your woman happy, don’t forget about the little helpers — your fingers.
Use your hands to tease and please her not only before but also during intercourse. In some positions, you can reach out and stroke her clitoris while thrusting. And if you finish too soon, you can always continue vaginal stimulation with your fingers to see that she’s satisfied, too.
10. Toys Are Your Friends
Some guys are intimidated by vibrators. Toys never fail (unless you forget to recharge the battery). They are always hard and ready to please. But the truth is, no gadget can replace you. Human beings crave human touch and connection.
Why not treat sex toys as your friends? They can help you get her ready for lovemaking. They can support her on her way to orgasm. They can mean less work for you if you get tired before her happy ending, and they can help you finish the job if erectile dysfunction is a problem.
Talk to your partner about sex toys and ask whether she’d like to use them in the bedroom. Assure her it’s OK. You may want to go shopping together and have fun choosing. These days, you can even get couple’s vibrators that you can use during intercourse.
Keep in mind that the goal is satisfying sex for both of you, and sex toys can be effective tools to help get the job done while having a heck of a good time together!
Your Sexual Health Matters
Female sexuality is powered by the clitoris, but orgasms during intercourse are also important to her. If you have trouble achieving penetration sufficient to bring your partner to orgasm, help is available.
Talk to your doctor and find the right treatment for your ED. Usually, a mix of lifestyle changes and medication will help you regain sexual function. Learn about available treatments on our erectile dysfunction page.
Ordering from eDrugstore is easy and discreet, and shipping is fast and free. Take advantage of our complimentary medical consultation and be sure you’re ready when she is.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.